WTF?!?!

One of the greatest posts of all time was just lost in the transfer process. It had everything one would want to read about. It was funny, sad, and brought out feelings that I did not think were inside of me. But instead of that, you get this.

Send in the Clowns

It's a freaking zoo in here today. There have been all sorts of people coming into the bank today. Kids, parents, lesbians, eldery couples, female softball players (see item 3), and just an assortment of people. All this for a coin appraisal. It is amazing what kind of people crawl out of the wood when something is offered for nothing.

I have decided not to take a lunch today. I think that since there are already sandwiches, drinks, and chips here I might as well just camp out and make it a full day. Nothing like a free lunch...oh oh, I sound like one of them. "Something offered for nothing! That sounds like a steal."

Bev decided she needed to take a friend out to lunch today, so she's out of the office and I'm sure that we won't see here before 2:00. It is nice managing the bank. All of the vacation time, long lunches, and benefits that come with checking e-mail and mailing out envelopes.

On an interesting side note, today in Lego day. I brought in the birthday present one of my students gave me for my birthday. It has an alien and a spaceship, an astronaut and a two wheeler, and it was a whole lot of fun to build. Right now I'm on a mission to recover some precious metals from deep within the recesses of the bowels of the cavernous pit of Descovia. These metals will be mined and used in building a great empire.

Ugh...Bev is practically giving away the bank. She keeps telling the appraisal guy about stuff we get or comes in, and then she is going to seel them to the guy for face value. It's so stupid. She's going to sell these things to the little fat man so he can seel them to the company he works for and make some more moeny. DUH! Is she not functioning correctly? She's such a dork.

It is official.

Marco's Money Back Guarentee

After the lunch fiasco, which only seems to happen when Bev is working with me, I settled with the standard Marco's. Today's menu;
Large Pepperoni Thin Crust with Roma Crust Topping
Cinnabread with Frosting
2 Liter Coke

After the order arrived, I noticed that the pizza was a regular and without crust toppings. Then I read the guarentee on the front of the pizza box.

"If for any reason you are unsatisfied with your pizza purchase, simply contact a manager within 2 hours of your purchase and the pizza will either be replaced or your money will be refunded to you, provided you return a portion of the pizza."

I took half of the pizza out of box and placed it on two plates, and then proceeded to eat one of the last quarters of the pizza. I then called Marco's and told them of the error, and they said they would fix it. In about fifteen minuets there was a hot thin crust pepperoni pizza with roma crust delivered, and all they recieved in return were two pieces of the orginal pizza. Only in America can you order a pizza, eat three fourths of it, then return it for a new pizza.

Outstanding!

Needless to say, I have a whole pizza for dinner now which I will be sharing with my fellow Kroger associates. Tonight promises to be a fun filled evening as all of my favorite cashiers will be working tonight.

Alas, I am tired and ready to call it a night. I only have 6 hours left in the day until I can officially call it a night.

I had another squirrel dream. This time I was scanning groceries at Kroger and he got into my line. He only purchased toilet paper and some dental floss. He then asked me where the bathroom was. I pointed him to the Floral Department and said the doors to the restroom were on the left. He thanked me and proceeded to the restroom. He was in there quite a while, and when he came out he was wearing the sombrero again. He had a small chinchilla with him and he ran to the back of the store screaming about his baby. Police arrived and escorted him out of the store. As he was leaving he spit at me.

That squirrel just took my nuts!

Spring has sprung. It is official. I put shorts on this morning, the quickly had to change to dress slacks as the bank looks down on casual Tuesdays. So now, in a very deadly blue shirt black slack look, I sit here for what will be the longest day this week. The joys of a 12 and half hour day. Although, the bank is buying lunch today. I have decided to order a chicken salad from Applebees. No tomato, extra egg, extra cheese.

Ugh...no Applebees. One of Debbie's kids no showed to work with my bosses husband, so now we can't have him get Applebees. Debbie's kids are losers.

Well, there went one of the days highlights.

I had a dream about a squirrel. He kept getting into my apartment and turning on the oven. Then I would chase him out, and he would turn around and smile at me, shaking his fist as if he had just been handed some great victory. It was really weird.

Oh yeah, the squirrel was mexican. He was wearing a sombrero and a throw. I think he had one of those greasy mustaches too! After he was chased from my house he got back into his beatup truck, drove to his adobe home, had tacos with his wife, then took a nice seista. Upon waking from his slumber his home was invaded by vice cops and he was quickly arrested upon being notofied he was living illegealy in the United States.

Those vice cops then smashed his pinata he was making for his daughter for her coming of age party.

It was a sad dream.

Hmmm... what do I write about now?

I just get so T.O.'ed...

Who would have ever guess this one? I am so fly!

There's glass in my foot.

Bah! One of the greatest coaches vs. one of the greatest teams.

Bob, I love you, but why did it have to be against Gonzaga? Why Bob?

Now I have nothing to hold onto. All of my offical brackets are busted. So much for winning.

On an interesting side note, I am gravely ill. I had to call off of work at Kroger due to the fact that I only took cat naps at home last night. It promises to be a fun filled and exciting evening tonight as temperatures return to the 20's.

I love living the good life.

Cinderella grows up

Sweet... sweet...

Gonzaga wins.

Oh yeah, one of the new favorites, Nevada won too!

(I only respect them because they ousted Gonzaga last year.)

Life for sale, 25% off the current tagged price!

Seioursly, who wouldn't want a piece of me? I'm a good looking guy, slow and fat, but good looking none the less. I'm a heck of a lot cuter than that Big Boy guy, partly due to the fact that I can't fit into his overalls. He looks like he's wearing a table cloth from Bob Evans.

Alone I sit, here at the bank,
potatoes and chicken in the tank
it's going to be a lousy day
but hey, it isn't always this way.

Heh.. that was just a little blurb. Nothing meant by it. 25. What a day.

Mom called and played the "Jeffery, It's your Birthday" cassette for me at 930 this morning. Then we talked for about an hour. She filled me in on what is going on with the family. Johnny, A. Sharon, Buscia... what a crazy time for them. After we had finished, I was preparing some delicious chicken breast and mashed potatoes. Milks called from the Cap. Bldg. and talk to me for about 10 minutes or so. It was nice. I finished talking with her, and Dad called. He wished me a happy birthday, and said he has tickets to a ballet at the Valentine Theater for Sunday, so he left them for me in the door. It was pretty nice. We finished talking and Ken, or rather Ken Fun as he likes to be called, then called. He wanted to change the headlight on his car. I told him to go and buy it and then come over. I finished cooking the mashed potatoes and chicken and Ken was there. He ate a chicken breast and gave me my birthday present.

A Best Buy key chain.
What a dork.

If you're going to give something to someone that's that crappy, then just don't waste the fifty cents on it. Seriously, it was retarted. I can't wait to throw it away on Sunday. I think it's customary to keep it for at least the weekend.

We go out and he starts taking the screws out of the blinker cover, and then has me loosen the screw behind the headlight. It was the alignment screws, so when he goes to turn his lights on, they're probably going to be really funky. I fished the light out of the socker, and he only needed to change the bulb. I finagled it, took the old bulb out and put the new one in, all while under the car. He took off the grill and the mounting screws for the headlight to get to the socket to put the bulb in. Then I dropped one of the screws, and it disappeared into the abyss. No big deal.

I needed to shave and shower, so I went in and told him I was going to do that, and he came in and watched his video recording of him teaching at Bedford Jr. High. He was critiquing himself. I took a shower, shaved, and then got dressed. I was just about to kick him out and my little sister called. (She's going to school in Muskegon right now, and has one of her finals tonight. Good Luck Lori!) We talked for a while, and then I told her I needed to go because I had to work. Then I kicked Ken out and took off. Before I left, I saw the UPS man, so I went and asked him if he had anything for me. He did not, so I left for the bank.

Made it to the bank and there was a silk pie for me and two cards. It was really nice. I checked my e-mail and college B-Ball scores (Gonzaga!) and here I sit doing the Spring Evaluation for my students parent teacher conferences. Grandma just stopped in and gave me a cookie, and told me that Uncle Dan is coming into town this weekend. I'm excited because I'll be able to hang out with Uncle Dan and Danny King!!! Maybe I'll take them to the ballet with me. Maybe we'll play cards. Who knows?!?!?

I'm just overall excited.

Still have to work tonight. Sugar e-mailed me and is probably going to stop by Kroger tonight, maybe she'll do a little song and dance...

heh. Just kidding Milks!

Ok, I have to go to the bathroom and cry, I already got screwed on my picks! Screw the 12-5 rule! It should be the exception!!!

Jeffrey O'King and The Little People

:: Bright lights come up on stage as a glass jar falls from the ceiling onto the floor. Mr. E enters stage right and approaches the microphone stand.::

It's the time that we all dread. Milks is gone for the next two weeks, off to school and a conference for the Scholars program. She's going to Maryland for three days, and it starts on Wednesday, March 16th. The day before my birthday.

This is going to be interesting.

What a wonderful weekend though, huh? How about that weather?

Spring Break is now over for Milks. How did we spend her last days of it? We went shopping.
We met our friends Friday night after their call backs. It was Cooper, Shea, Palmer, and the two Coochs. Not a bad time, kind of boring, but that's to be expected. I'm not sure what I'm looking for when I go out places. It was fun talking to Big Cooch and Cooper. They were both funny. Afterwards, Milks and I went to her parents house to hang out with her mom. It was 12:30, but we went anyways. We both fell sleeep on the couch and pretty much spent the night at the house. It was snowy Saturday morning. I had a showing at 10:00 for the Beast. So I left Milks to breakfast with her dad, and I showered and shaved at the apartment. Got to the car, cleaned it out and made sure it was still running. No shock that it still works, as that car is a Beast, hence the name. So I drove it for about 10 mins before the test drive. Some short lady who shops at Kroger. She went around that block and said she'd call. She still hasn't. Suprise!
Went and picked Milks up from her sisters and headed to the Trade Fair. Watched the dancers from 1-5:15, then went to see if Cooch and Palmer were still @ the BCP booth. They were not. We left. I took a nap, and she got ready to go out with her parents for dinner. We went to Texas Roadhouse.

Mmmm...steak and armadillos!

After that, it was back to bed.
Slept in Sunday, and was going to go to see show with the kids, but didn;t feel like it around 1:00. Thought we would take in a movie, but there was nothing good playing. So we drove around for about an hour. We went to Tim Horton's on Airport Highway. It was fun. There werer some crazy people working their. The woman that was working almost knocked Milks over when she ran to the bathroom. The I almost got knocked over as she bolted out of the bathroom. The woman was a freak! We played Rummy there for about 1/2 hour. Then more wasted driving, until we ended up at Savers. It's like a cross between Goodwill and Big Lots. Needless to say, Milks foundt some pretty good looking duds for about $40. I even got a shirt out of the deal! Now I can wear a grey shirt on Friday when I go to work and to the rehearsal. I need to find a way to make a dish to pass. And I need to find the Monclova Community Center.

Whew...

:: Mr. E walks back off stage, stage right.::

::Irish music plays as a leprechaun pops out of the middle of the stage floor. He sees a small black kettle in the center of the stage, runs up and puts a coin in the pot. He looks stage left, sees something else, and runs back to the trap door, opens it, and hops into the door as Mr. E enters from stage left.::

So the bank is having a contest for St. Patrick's Day. Write a Limerick with Republic Bank lingo in it and I can win $50. Sounds pretty good. So I think I'll give it a shot. Here goes!

A poor kid who works at Republic Bank
was exhausted, trying rhyme schemes to make
It needed to have some bank lingo
and a St. Patricks Day type of jingle
If he won, fifty dollars he'd take.

...

uh, no. Not good at all.


Let's try another one.

A Republic Bank C.S.R.
had an Olds that would not travel far
with Our rates that compete
with the banks 'cross the street
he could jig to and 'fro his new car!

Not bad. For corporate speak... maybe I need something more technical

On a wet dreary St. Patty's day
a check kiting scam underway
the accounts were inspected
and the bank was protected
and police held the suspect at bay

Hmm, lots of lingo... Not really funny, but very poignant.

Aw well, I'm leaving.

:: Mr. E walks away.::



Now Loss Prevention's on it's way

Spatzy Cline's new single just released "I Go Hocking, After Midnight"

::Poof. Mr. E appears from within a plume of rich smoke. As the smoke clears, Mr. E moves forward to the microphone and begins to speak.::

"Welcome back to another update in the War of Boredom.

What a weekend, or rather week. Milks & I planned a spring break get away. We took off monday morning with a cooler of food, one rolling luggage bag of clothes, and two plastic bags of groceries. Our destionation, Harvest Moon Cottages nestled in Hocking Hills, was a mere 3.5 hours away. Effective phone management by Milks got us a two bedroom cabin with full kitchen, a hot tub, and a private 1/2 mile trail behind the cabin for $233. That's it. What a magnificent deal!

Driving was a treat, we had Toledo Taco Bell and got free food when the order we mishandled. Again, a deal! Then the drive, for some strange reason, we took I75 for the first leg, when we really needed US23, but that was thanks to our good friend Mapquest.

Maquest had quite the drive for us in store. We were blessed to drive on County Roads.

county road- (n.) 1. any path through a wooded area that has been traveled through more than once by a State Ranger, 2. twisting path of rocks with 1" for clearance on both sides of a vehicle, 3. muddle puddle labrynth that has a more steeply graded surface than an emergency truck stop

The "road" was definition 3. We were lucky to stop at most turns, and we're almost blindsided by a deer. Other than that, a beautiful drive. At the end of the county road, we were greeted with pavement. Aparently the alternate route not published by Mapquest has you take paved roads.

Where's the adventure in that?

Once there, peace ruled. No cell phone for Milks. Limited television for me. Nothing but walking, cooking, sleeping, hot tubbing, and playing games. What a weekend. Words do not serve it correctly.

Wednesday we ventured back home, the paved way, and it was an enjoyable drive. We made several stops along the way. Had pizza at Pepperz, wizzed in Waukeegan, and sat in Sandusky. It was a peaceful drive, until the phone buzzed.

We were offically back.

Jami...Mom...Jami... the calls we did so well to keep away from, flew back at us as soon as the phone picked up a signal.

We ignored them until 7:30.

Good times...good times...

::Poof!. Mr. E disappears into a thick cloud of black smoke!::

Now from the Makers of Insanitea, the Crazy Fresh Brewed Tea, another innovation in the War on Boredom...

::Loud music begins to play as the lights come up on an empty theater venue. Center stage is a microphone on a stand. To the right, a small black stool with a bottle of water and some pictures. As the music begins to fade we meet our host for the duration, Mr. E. Dressed in all black with the exception to white socks, he makes his way to the microphone. The music concludes as Mr. E. removes the mic from the stand::

First of all thank you so much for all of your time. I would not be here if it weren't for you. For that, I am eternally greatful.

Ok, let's get down to business. Any of you ever try out for a play, musical, or a show in general? You hear that someone if going to be putting on something you're interested in, and you try out. That's the way it's always been. I had the unique pleasure of doing something quite the opposite of that, just last evening. BCP will be presenting Godspell. I did research on it, looked at it, and even listened to some excerpts from it. Over all, not really impressed. Everyone during the last show was consumed by the fact we could all work together again.

Again? Didn't we just finish something? Some of you I'd like some time away from, others, not so much. So, I thought I would just go and help at the auditions. I did. I was there and I told people that I was not going to try out. I helped those without the gift of grace make it look as if they could dance. That was my main concern. Nothing worse than a show with a cast of people that cannot dance.

:: Mr. E grabs the water from the black stool, unscrews the cap, and takes a small sip. Moments later, he spits the water out stage left.::

Egh...sugar.

So everyone goes in, sings, dances, and then they were ready to yell out the call back numbers. I punked out. I signed up. Took my own picture, did the dance, turned in the audition sheet. Had no song, but Devin was there, so I borrowed her book and sang "Seven Fat Cows". Only I did it an octave higher. It was crazy. Somehow I pulled it off, even doing it half-heartedly. I got called back. Here's the kicker!

I'm not going to call backs!

I know that I will make it if I go back, but what's the point? Dressing up like a clown to tell parables from the Bible, that's just not something I'm tickled to do. When I make it in Seussical how am I going to hold down both shows, songs and scripts, in addition to working and trying to make some money. It is just not happening. And what if I don't make Seussical? Work and softball. And quality time with Milks.

That woman last night, what a crazy psycho! Dyed red hair, with black roots exposed in pony tails? Hooting and hollering and screaming pornographic phrases to get the auditioners to respond, not really my cup of tea.

:: Mr. E puts the mic down, and reattaches it to the stand. The stage goes to blackout, as the music cue begins. End of Show::